I am so fortunate that I hold the title of Dad to my ten year old son and my two year old daughter. It’s my favorite role! But, being a good parent is terribly difficult. I constantly find myself in the challenging position of balancing what’s best for my kids in the short-term versus what’s best for my kids in the long-term. Instant gratification is a strong force, and it seems even parenting is not immune to the idea of sacrificing the future for instant satisfaction. For instance, tomorrow is the last day of school! I have to make a difficult parenting choice; do I take my son out for ice cream to celebrate, or do I skip the ice cream because I know the long-term effects of excess sugar? Who am I kidding? We are going out for ice cream! But, some decisions seem more consequential, and I find myself having to make difficult decisions as a dad.
Last summer, my wife and I were in one of these situations, and we made a difficult decision. It was the second day of our lazy summer break. Both my wife and I are educators, so summers in our house involve everyone spending A LOT of time together. On this second day of summer, my son had already found himself sliding into that comfortable summer lifestyle! He was wearing pajamas, lounging on the couch, and watching YouTube videos on his iPad. He was enjoying some much deserved downtime (he had earned All A Honor Roll and perfect attendance over the course of the school year), and he was living that #Summer life! Then, something happened… My wife asked him to feed the dogs.
The world stopped turning. The ground started rumbling. My son acted as though we had asked to bear the weight of the world on his shoulders. He copped a ferocious attitude and protested the simple request. That’s when my wife marched into the living room, took the iPad from his hands, collected his phone (an old iPhone with no service he occasionally used with wifi, gathered the laptop, and placed them all on top of the highest shelf in the living room. I thought it was a brilliant move. Maybe that would teach him to take care of his responsibilities. Maybe he could “earn” his iPad back after he fed the dogs.
My son’s attitude improved the rest of the day; there is no doubt he was hoping to earn back his electronics. After going the entire day without his electronics, he coyishly asked his mom when he might earn back his electronics. She replied, “I’m not sure. Maybe never.” That was 362 days ago, and his electronics are covered in dust on top of the highest shelf in the living room.
I have to admit, I thought this was pretty harsh punishment for not feeding the dogs. Afterall, sometimes our son uses his iPad for some educational apps. He also has a Facebook page for his baking business and a YouTube channel with thousands of views (many more views than almost all of my YouTube videos combined) where he reads children's books. Not to mention, sometimes I need a good 30 minutes to myself, and an iPad can be a super effective babysitter. Aren’t these short-term benefits worth it? But, I trust and love my wife, and I like sleeping in our bed, so I knew better than to question her tactics!
Although I had my doubts about our ability to keep our son entertained ALL summer without the use of electronic devices, there were four clear benefits.
1) My Son Was Bored
I know boredom might sound like a bad thing, but let me explain. Many of our kids today have never been bored. Therefore, they have never learned how to deal with boredom. This has led to a massive decline in attention span. If kids (or frankly many adults) have more than three seconds of downtime, they frantically search for something to occupy their mind. This steady barrage of stimulus requires constant processing by the brain. Because my son’s brain wasn’t bombarded with stimulus, his brain was allowed to explore. I believe my son’s attention span was improved because of the absence of electronic devices.
2) My Son Became More Creative
Your habits become your destiny. When my son spends time on his electronic devices, he spends almost all of his time consuming. He consumes video games; he consumes YouTube videos; he consumes music. His habit of consuming restricted his ability to create. Every minute he spent consuming (which was A LOT of minutes when he had his iPad) meant one more minute he wasn’t creating. When his electronic devices were removed, he spent many more moments creating. He created games, paintings, stories, a business, and adventures. His future contributions to society will be judged on his creations; not on his consumption. Taking away his electronic devices gave my son time to practice the habit of creating.
3) His Attitude Improved
I can’t tell you exactly why his attitude improved, but I have my ideas. I believe humans are hard-wired to interact with and share experiences with other humans. When kids use electronic devices, it is easy to get sucked into a lonely world. Even if you’re playing games across the internet with other humans and friends, the brain lacks a face-to-face connection that only happens through proximity. Without human interaction and contact, I believe my son’s brain fell into a spiral of depression. When we began playing, laughing, talking, and even arguing, I believe the interactions triggered a primal portion of the brain that craves connection and belonging. Taking away our son’s electronic devices helped my son engage in human connections.
4) He Read More Books
For my son, his electronic tools were a time suck. Because of his addiction, he spent very little time reading books, but without the electronic distractions, he found time to read everyday.
I don’t know why I was hesitant about taking away my son’s electronic devices. Maybe it was my own addiction. Maybe I was afraid I wasn’t equipping my son with the necessary technology skills of the 21st century. Maybe I was afraid I would have to parent. Nevertheless, it was the best decision we could have made as parents. My son is more alive than ever. He plays outside. He’s writing a book. He’s happy.
I’m not a great parent. Being a good parent is hard work! Most days I’m in good shape if my kids are clothed, fed, and their teeth are brushed. Admittedly, I fell into this parenting decision; I thought my wife was crazy! But, now that we’re a year into this experiment, I can’t think of anything healthier for our son.
Here’s my challenge to parents: unplug your kids. I know, it sounds crazy. Force them to be bored. Allow them to create. The downside is extremely limited and the upside is limitless! Our kids deserve the chance to be kids, to be creators, to be human. Try it for the summer; it can’t hurt. You might be surprised; you may have to dust your iPad!
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